That Wasn't the reason

09, Jan 2016

Hey everyone! I'm going to share something really personal and important for all the young people out there. I've been meaning to post this for a long time now and I just couldn't because I didn't want to kill yourl New year vibes!

This is gonna be a long ass post so buckle up. Please keep scrolling if you get disgusted too easily.

Over the past few months I wasn't really doing well

  • I had migraines, very severe ones. I could visibly see my nerves showing around my ears. I used all sorts of pain balms and convinced myself that the pain was due to my poor eye sight and because I use laptop & mobile 24x7. But, that wasn't the reason.
  • I suffered with constipation more than Amitab Bachan in Piku. That's not some funny shit. I literally cried everyday when I pooped. My mom said I had migraines because I had constipation. But, that wasn't the reason.
  • I burp. A lot. A lot more than you would ever in your life. I burp when pressed anywhere on my body. I felt so awkward at so many situations. People said I ate a lot of french fries and drank carbonated drinks over the year. But, those weren't the only reason.
  • I had the worst appetite. I had the need to eat almost all time of the day. Sometimes I wake up at 2AM and I would still feel hungry. But I wouldn't be able to push 2 dosas inside; I'd be full and get hungry 5mins later.
  • I puke a lot. I puke even when I drink water. I sometimes puke blood after meal. It was tough to breathe. I wasn't allowed to touch my puppy because my mom said his hair made me sick. But, he wasn't the reason.
  • I was 35kg April 2015. I gained weight all of a sudden. How much? 56kg by July 2015. I went from "Hour-glass" shaped to "Amoeba". I had huge tummy hanging. I did not fit into any of my clothes that I had to revamp my whole wardrobe. I was ashamed of myself. I looked 10+ my age.
  • I love posting pictures online, but over the past few months I cried looking at my selfies and had to do some photo "magic" to make myself feel better about my appearance. I used to be an athlete and never in a million years I imagined myself going to gym for weight reduction. My gym coach said I had the wrong diet. But, that wasn't the reason.
  • I had double chin. I had to contour makeup every time I go out or attend a meeting. As much as I loved doing makeup, I hated the part - "I had to". People said I had Thyroid. I took a blood test. But, that wasn't the reason.
  • I became tired almost after walking 20 steps together and I am not talking about the stairs. I had to sit for at least 5mins every time I finish walking a floor at Fun mall. Most of the days I gave up and bailed on all of my friends just because I couldn't pull myself together. Many doubted I must have wheezing problem. But, that wasn't the reason.
  • I wasn't PMS'ing (Periods) properly. I was never on time over the year. Every time I went to the doctor about this, the mere look of the doctor killed me. Every single doctor judged me. Because I am 22 years old and have a lot of guy friends who take me to the hospital, obviously I must be pregnant. So that was always the first test they ever made me undergo. No, I am not pregnant.

The list of problems goes on.

Every time I opened up about the problems I have, every "friend" of mine would reference Vivek's comedy and how I should be eating rat poison to get everything cured. My parents never really had the time to take me to hospital because to them, 'all these symptoms are just normal, everyone has it, nothing to worry, you own a company now you are probably stressed, go to hospital, if you need cash let us know'.

I gave up and I was so convinced that THIS WAS IT. I am never going to be ok.

I became lazy. I never got up from bed. I did nothing but watch soaps all day long. My productivity was - zero.

Karthik pushed me to take one last chance and we went to a well known hospital nearby.

The doctor, she quoted, "for-fun" made be undergo an ultra sound.

Guess what the 4 other doctors who did my ultra sound found? They did not know. By this time I had 6 blood tests and 8000INR is already gone. Doctors pushed me to undergo MRI to "find things better". There went my 12000INR.

Finally, they found a Endometriosis cyst growing outside my ovary. Now, THAT WAS THE REASON

My obgyno doctor said that the cyst had multiple growths inside of it and those million miniature protrusions were acting like an organ, getting blood supplies and stuff and there is a chance that might be cancerous (because these doctors are never really sure of anything) I had to go through a surgery

I had my surgery. Results will be given in a week because that is the only way we would pay the hospital 50,000INR for room. Waiting for the result and hope it's not cancer. That's pretty much everything I can do right now.

First of all, I made through the surgery. Yay! I have been given enough medications. I'm walking a little and I should be recovering shortly. Second of all, the reason I wanted to share this, is to create awareness. Never overlook any symptoms. Never. Your body has so many different ways to indicate if there is something wrong going on the inside. Listen to it. The reason I developed such a cyst was that I ate a lot of "chicken wings" that is exactly where they inject the chickens to grow fast and all those hormonal changes I had was due to this. The other two reasons doctors gave were, using synthetic sanitary napkins for a long time and wearing wrong sized clothes. so,

Switch to organic pads or change often

Don't ever wear tight clothes.

Find the right size for your under garments. Not too tight not too loose

Avoid eating outside unless you have to.

Eat healthy food.

Drink a lot of water

Play outside.

Get sunlight.

Consult a good dietician.

Practice a good diet.

Avoid carbonated drinks.

Use skimmed milk.

Intake ginger. It helps you reduce bloating.

Take the stairs whenever possible.

Finally, y'all motherfuckers need to stop talking shit. It hurts. Most of the time I skipped getting my problems checked or stopped telling my problems was due to fact I was fucking scared of what you all would say.

"What were you doing all these days?" was the very First question I was asked after my scan.

Whenever I wanted to follow a diet, there were people who mocked because they think I was aiming for size-zero. There is a constant pressure for everyone no matter how strong a person you are, you still care what people think or say about you. So stop lecturing about how I should ignore comments because you know that you all will get offended if someone called you an ugly-ass-fat-dumb-shit.

Be supportive or effing shut your ugly mouth. Nobody knew what happened after I donated my hair to cancer centre, I was constantly bullied since I looked like a clown. I can only imagine the pain faced by people who actually lost their hair due to cancer.

Funny thing is, I donated my hair, later I was diagnosed with this and there is a chance I could be having cance. Nobody knows what could happen to anyone anymore. You, on the other hand, did no good ever in your life, bad mouthed everything, mocked everyone, God I am so much curious to see what Karma has in stock for you

Now that its New year I should seriously evaluate the list of "friends" I should be chillin' with. I don’t need negative vibes any-effin-where around me.

P.S: To all the morons who be like "attention seeker alert!", If I want some attention I'd rather shave my head, paint my face with Indian Flag and run naked on Avinashi Road than posting this

No offense

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